Post by Kaila on Oct 15, 2007 19:05:43 GMT
Listen to our words,
Let them fill you
Listen to our tones,
Let them fill you
Listen to our voices,
Let them fill you
Listen to our unheard song,
Let it fill you.
Then tell us we do not
Deserve to live
Then tell us we do not
Deserve to be left in peace
Then tell us we do not
Deserve our dues
Then tell us we do not
Make life for you.
-Song of the trees
Chapter One
If you don’t want your money stolen don’t flash it around. Those were the very first words they said to me when I started senior school. I took them to heart when they told me, and I’ve never had a reason to start doubting them. Fifty pence is enough to buy a cigarette from Gary, the cheapest, nastiest seller on site, and there are plenty of kids that will beat you into a pulp for that mere coin. They’re addicted to the nicotine and they can’t get enough of it. I tried a puff once, I didn’t like it; the smoke made me splutter and the taste was foul.
Already the summer holidays are over, it feels like yesterday we all raced out of the classrooms for summer break. I walked along the pavement trying not to think about how stuffy the classrooms would be with the hot sun shining down, taking the piss now that we were back to learning. All summer it had rained, offered false hope of sunshine and then blown over the barbeque stands that people had set up. Summer had been spent inside wishing it was over; now it was over we’d all be wishing we were back at home. I had no reason to want to be back in class, if I’d had the guts to I’d have skipped.
I was what the other children called a loner, nobody hung out with me and I didn’t want them too. They’d all get jobs in the tire factories, or chopping down forests anyway if they were lucky. I didn’t want to follow after my mother and father, working in a dead-end job with no hope of change. I worked hard in school and everyone else hated me for it. I was different from them, I was intelligent. That was where the problems started, I seemed better than them and they were determined to drag me down to their level.
It’d been the same from the start. Always the victim, never the bully. I didn’t need the glint of cash in my hand to draw fists to my gut. I was the natural prey and everyone else were the predators. A pot hole tried to trip me as I passed the familiar houses on the path to school. Even the flooring tried to drag me downwards and I was too chicken to protest. I glanced at my watch, lucky to even have the rusty metal wrapped around my wrist. Within fifteen minutes the school would open its doors and freedom would be gone.
I’d always pictured school as a place of learning and friends. St. Bruce’s was a dump, and I hated it. If you don’t want nothing stolen don’t bring it. Those had been the second words uttered to me. Skinheads were the vast majority of the students, knuckle-dusters the schools unofficial motto of survival. I’d learnt the lesson within the first week and I’ve never needed telling again. I took in an old crappy mobile once, within the hour it was gone. I turned the corner, Hell appeared.
‘Hey Sparky.’ A part of me groaned; this was what they called me up at the school. Hearing it was a sick reminder of the start up of hell. I had forgotten the routines of Bill Collins and his crew, and been caught out. I stopped, waiting for them to catch up with me. Skinheads filled the streets here and I was not interested in giving them a reason to pound me. Offending Collins was enough to land you in deep s**t. ‘Good summer?’ He wanted something, I wasn’t a fool. I had no choice but to play along.
‘Nah.’ I kept it short and simple for him. He was a moron, you had to watch what you said. Collins took things the wrong way really quickly. The only chance of walking away unharmed was to talk real slow, and real smooth. I’d learnt using more than five words in a sentence could mean death from boredom while he tried to work out what you’d said. A short laugh came from him, I had the urge to turn around and head back home. Collins never laughed. I didn’t bother to ask if he’d had a good summer, I already knew the answer.
‘You think you’re the only one. Eh Sparky?’ I shook my head hard. He gave me a shove as though I’d nodded. ‘Wanna know why it was bad? Eh Sparky?’ I was up against a wall now, his face thrust in mine. I gave an extra big shake of my head, struggling to make myself smaller. It was the wrong move. So was saying yes. ‘You made it bad.’ Each time he said a word he banged me off the wall. My whole body tingled with pain. I knew I should have kept on walking, I’d done nothing to him but he was ready to kill me.
‘Yeh you get ‘im Collins.’ A crowd had gathered to watch the show and I was their entertainment. I hadn’t even made it into school without a beating. I didn’t know what I had done. Right now the school didn’t look like Hell, it looked like Heaven. Collins dropped me to the floor and I crumpled into a ball. Rage came from the large group, their entertainment had been cut short. He roared at them, and they dispersed; Collins normally liked an audience, something was more than wrong. Right then the ground could have swallowed me up. I wouldn’t care.
If you don’t want any trouble don’t be different. That was the third rule that encompassed St. Bruce’s. I had broken it from the very beginning and I had no reason to doubt it would haunt me for as long as I lived here. Collins would be the least of my troubles once faded memories were sharpened. I would always be the outcast. Being unique was my gift, it was also my curse. Understanding where I got my attitude and brains is difficult, but not impossible. Grow up in a dump, see the grim future stare you in the face; you’ll want to change it. Having the willpower to do so is the difference between success and failure.
‘Get up.’ A kick for my troubles, and another barked command. I felt his rough hand wrap around my collar, lift me to my feet. ’Its your fault and you’re going to fix it.’ Still confused as to what was my fault, I waited for him to tell me. He’d had a bad summer, I’d stayed well away from him. There was no way he could lay blame on me for anything. It didn’t matter. He’d do it anyway. ‘Its Liam this. Liam that.’ I blinked. He was nuts. ‘They know Harlow you idiot.’ Then it clicked, his parents knew our form tutor. Collins had been under my shadow the whole Summer and I’d been oblivious.
‘So. What’d you want me to do?’ I shrugged out of his grip. I was no fighter, but I wasn’t a weed. I could set down my law a little. In a rough area like here you didn’t have a choice in the matter. I used to get locked out of the house, I’d learnt to run, hide and to use my fists. Acting tough might be the only path out. I couldn’t afford to dismiss it. Collins watched body language; he was too thick for words. He growled like a dog, I backed right down. Collins was big.
He didn’t have an answer. Shoving me against the wall he barged pass me and down the street. The groups of people moved aside in droves, avoiding one person. Collins disappeared through the iron gates and I breathed. He’d be back and I knew it, he was pissed and I wasn’t being let off that easy. I shouldered the bag that’d fallen to the floor. Of course it was broken, the arm ripped from its frame. It’d be a bugger to carry, there wasn’t anybody up in the sky looking down on me.
For the first time I sat at the back of the classroom. I snagged a seat before anyone else stepped into the room. It was first come first served and I hated the front. Teachers asked you the questions. Teachers caught you not doing work. Other students threw things at you while the adult wasn’t looking. The others would give me grief for nicking the best position. I didn’t care. Nobody would turn around to throw something at me; they were too lazy. Some other fool could be the victim this year.
Surprisingly nobody said a thing. I was left alone, deserted in a corner. Being singled out did nothing for avoiding questions, but I still had one advantage. I’d be left to my own devices. Even Collins had ignored me, alarming since he was a hothead. I wasn’t kept in the dark for long though. It all became clear when the woman walked into the room. A new teacher that I’d, puzzlingly, known nothing about. Everything clicked into place. The classes good behaviour and why Collins was mad. Harlow leaving had meant he could talk about the pride of the class openly: Me. That was bad. When they got over the hurdle of a new teacher, I’d be dead.
That was if this new teacher was anything like Harlow. He’d been a push over, easy to influence, fun to drive over the edge. If she was like Fitz, our gym teacher, we’d all be diving for cover beneath our desks. Then I’d be safe, but only in class, provided she didn’t slaughter me.
‘Call me Jane.’ Mistake number one was using your first name. We’d been put on equal footing with her. Within minutes the class would run riot. I got the feeling somebody big had it in for me bad. Luck was never on my side, we’d been paired with another terrible decision. She’d leave before the term was through. Most of the female members never lasted long. Only the brave or passionate even tried, and failed. If you didn’t try you couldn’t fail at least. ‘Or Miss Hardy. Which ever you prefer.’ I groaned inwardly. Mistake number two was then giving us the choice of names. I wondered where she’d learnt to teach. The teachers academy of niceties perhaps.
‘Miss Jane!’ See they were already having some fun. Jane located the source of the noise, Shane, and blinked. She didn’t protest to the name, I could see laughter shining in her eyes. I shrunk in my seat. She knew how the game was played. She was leading us on. I wasn’t going to join in. I’d watch. It was what I was good at. I got the feeling the woman had experience behind her already. Unusual for her youth. She could only have been in her early twenties.
‘Yes, boy in the outdated band shirt?’ She sunk to our level, or perhaps she’d never been above us. It was a good tactic. It got laughs. Shane turned a bright red colour, even the back of his neck crimson. The cheeky blighter had been outdone. She didn’t get any answer from him, except a garbled set of words that made no sense. She didn’t pick on him further. She had no need. ‘Settle down class.’ We weren’t going to argue. She was still the unexpected, and she’d all ready outclassed us.
Let them fill you
Listen to our tones,
Let them fill you
Listen to our voices,
Let them fill you
Listen to our unheard song,
Let it fill you.
Then tell us we do not
Deserve to live
Then tell us we do not
Deserve to be left in peace
Then tell us we do not
Deserve our dues
Then tell us we do not
Make life for you.
-Song of the trees
Chapter One
If you don’t want your money stolen don’t flash it around. Those were the very first words they said to me when I started senior school. I took them to heart when they told me, and I’ve never had a reason to start doubting them. Fifty pence is enough to buy a cigarette from Gary, the cheapest, nastiest seller on site, and there are plenty of kids that will beat you into a pulp for that mere coin. They’re addicted to the nicotine and they can’t get enough of it. I tried a puff once, I didn’t like it; the smoke made me splutter and the taste was foul.
Already the summer holidays are over, it feels like yesterday we all raced out of the classrooms for summer break. I walked along the pavement trying not to think about how stuffy the classrooms would be with the hot sun shining down, taking the piss now that we were back to learning. All summer it had rained, offered false hope of sunshine and then blown over the barbeque stands that people had set up. Summer had been spent inside wishing it was over; now it was over we’d all be wishing we were back at home. I had no reason to want to be back in class, if I’d had the guts to I’d have skipped.
I was what the other children called a loner, nobody hung out with me and I didn’t want them too. They’d all get jobs in the tire factories, or chopping down forests anyway if they were lucky. I didn’t want to follow after my mother and father, working in a dead-end job with no hope of change. I worked hard in school and everyone else hated me for it. I was different from them, I was intelligent. That was where the problems started, I seemed better than them and they were determined to drag me down to their level.
It’d been the same from the start. Always the victim, never the bully. I didn’t need the glint of cash in my hand to draw fists to my gut. I was the natural prey and everyone else were the predators. A pot hole tried to trip me as I passed the familiar houses on the path to school. Even the flooring tried to drag me downwards and I was too chicken to protest. I glanced at my watch, lucky to even have the rusty metal wrapped around my wrist. Within fifteen minutes the school would open its doors and freedom would be gone.
I’d always pictured school as a place of learning and friends. St. Bruce’s was a dump, and I hated it. If you don’t want nothing stolen don’t bring it. Those had been the second words uttered to me. Skinheads were the vast majority of the students, knuckle-dusters the schools unofficial motto of survival. I’d learnt the lesson within the first week and I’ve never needed telling again. I took in an old crappy mobile once, within the hour it was gone. I turned the corner, Hell appeared.
‘Hey Sparky.’ A part of me groaned; this was what they called me up at the school. Hearing it was a sick reminder of the start up of hell. I had forgotten the routines of Bill Collins and his crew, and been caught out. I stopped, waiting for them to catch up with me. Skinheads filled the streets here and I was not interested in giving them a reason to pound me. Offending Collins was enough to land you in deep s**t. ‘Good summer?’ He wanted something, I wasn’t a fool. I had no choice but to play along.
‘Nah.’ I kept it short and simple for him. He was a moron, you had to watch what you said. Collins took things the wrong way really quickly. The only chance of walking away unharmed was to talk real slow, and real smooth. I’d learnt using more than five words in a sentence could mean death from boredom while he tried to work out what you’d said. A short laugh came from him, I had the urge to turn around and head back home. Collins never laughed. I didn’t bother to ask if he’d had a good summer, I already knew the answer.
‘You think you’re the only one. Eh Sparky?’ I shook my head hard. He gave me a shove as though I’d nodded. ‘Wanna know why it was bad? Eh Sparky?’ I was up against a wall now, his face thrust in mine. I gave an extra big shake of my head, struggling to make myself smaller. It was the wrong move. So was saying yes. ‘You made it bad.’ Each time he said a word he banged me off the wall. My whole body tingled with pain. I knew I should have kept on walking, I’d done nothing to him but he was ready to kill me.
‘Yeh you get ‘im Collins.’ A crowd had gathered to watch the show and I was their entertainment. I hadn’t even made it into school without a beating. I didn’t know what I had done. Right now the school didn’t look like Hell, it looked like Heaven. Collins dropped me to the floor and I crumpled into a ball. Rage came from the large group, their entertainment had been cut short. He roared at them, and they dispersed; Collins normally liked an audience, something was more than wrong. Right then the ground could have swallowed me up. I wouldn’t care.
If you don’t want any trouble don’t be different. That was the third rule that encompassed St. Bruce’s. I had broken it from the very beginning and I had no reason to doubt it would haunt me for as long as I lived here. Collins would be the least of my troubles once faded memories were sharpened. I would always be the outcast. Being unique was my gift, it was also my curse. Understanding where I got my attitude and brains is difficult, but not impossible. Grow up in a dump, see the grim future stare you in the face; you’ll want to change it. Having the willpower to do so is the difference between success and failure.
‘Get up.’ A kick for my troubles, and another barked command. I felt his rough hand wrap around my collar, lift me to my feet. ’Its your fault and you’re going to fix it.’ Still confused as to what was my fault, I waited for him to tell me. He’d had a bad summer, I’d stayed well away from him. There was no way he could lay blame on me for anything. It didn’t matter. He’d do it anyway. ‘Its Liam this. Liam that.’ I blinked. He was nuts. ‘They know Harlow you idiot.’ Then it clicked, his parents knew our form tutor. Collins had been under my shadow the whole Summer and I’d been oblivious.
‘So. What’d you want me to do?’ I shrugged out of his grip. I was no fighter, but I wasn’t a weed. I could set down my law a little. In a rough area like here you didn’t have a choice in the matter. I used to get locked out of the house, I’d learnt to run, hide and to use my fists. Acting tough might be the only path out. I couldn’t afford to dismiss it. Collins watched body language; he was too thick for words. He growled like a dog, I backed right down. Collins was big.
He didn’t have an answer. Shoving me against the wall he barged pass me and down the street. The groups of people moved aside in droves, avoiding one person. Collins disappeared through the iron gates and I breathed. He’d be back and I knew it, he was pissed and I wasn’t being let off that easy. I shouldered the bag that’d fallen to the floor. Of course it was broken, the arm ripped from its frame. It’d be a bugger to carry, there wasn’t anybody up in the sky looking down on me.
For the first time I sat at the back of the classroom. I snagged a seat before anyone else stepped into the room. It was first come first served and I hated the front. Teachers asked you the questions. Teachers caught you not doing work. Other students threw things at you while the adult wasn’t looking. The others would give me grief for nicking the best position. I didn’t care. Nobody would turn around to throw something at me; they were too lazy. Some other fool could be the victim this year.
Surprisingly nobody said a thing. I was left alone, deserted in a corner. Being singled out did nothing for avoiding questions, but I still had one advantage. I’d be left to my own devices. Even Collins had ignored me, alarming since he was a hothead. I wasn’t kept in the dark for long though. It all became clear when the woman walked into the room. A new teacher that I’d, puzzlingly, known nothing about. Everything clicked into place. The classes good behaviour and why Collins was mad. Harlow leaving had meant he could talk about the pride of the class openly: Me. That was bad. When they got over the hurdle of a new teacher, I’d be dead.
That was if this new teacher was anything like Harlow. He’d been a push over, easy to influence, fun to drive over the edge. If she was like Fitz, our gym teacher, we’d all be diving for cover beneath our desks. Then I’d be safe, but only in class, provided she didn’t slaughter me.
‘Call me Jane.’ Mistake number one was using your first name. We’d been put on equal footing with her. Within minutes the class would run riot. I got the feeling somebody big had it in for me bad. Luck was never on my side, we’d been paired with another terrible decision. She’d leave before the term was through. Most of the female members never lasted long. Only the brave or passionate even tried, and failed. If you didn’t try you couldn’t fail at least. ‘Or Miss Hardy. Which ever you prefer.’ I groaned inwardly. Mistake number two was then giving us the choice of names. I wondered where she’d learnt to teach. The teachers academy of niceties perhaps.
‘Miss Jane!’ See they were already having some fun. Jane located the source of the noise, Shane, and blinked. She didn’t protest to the name, I could see laughter shining in her eyes. I shrunk in my seat. She knew how the game was played. She was leading us on. I wasn’t going to join in. I’d watch. It was what I was good at. I got the feeling the woman had experience behind her already. Unusual for her youth. She could only have been in her early twenties.
‘Yes, boy in the outdated band shirt?’ She sunk to our level, or perhaps she’d never been above us. It was a good tactic. It got laughs. Shane turned a bright red colour, even the back of his neck crimson. The cheeky blighter had been outdone. She didn’t get any answer from him, except a garbled set of words that made no sense. She didn’t pick on him further. She had no need. ‘Settle down class.’ We weren’t going to argue. She was still the unexpected, and she’d all ready outclassed us.
