Post by cherubagent544 on Oct 16, 2007 10:36:04 GMT
I wrote this when I was 9 years old, at a camp called Barretstown, for sick children who had life threatening diseases. The general point of the camp is to let kids who could have died/ are going to die to enjoy their life. At the time, I had okay english skills (A pity they haven't improved since 
)
Anyway, this got published in a book! Yup! Thats going to be in my job aplication when I am older.
Thats enough stalling, heres the story. I am going to put it exactly like I first wrote it, so grammer errors are about 5 years to late to be noticed . I say he a lot, so everything I wrote is in italics, and a bit of explanation will be in brackets (just so I don't confuse anyone)
Please comment
One day, Honmay from the planet Riknea found out about the biggest crminal organisation in history. Honmay was surprised to find out about something as horrible as this on the peaceful planet Riknea. He flew out in his hover-car to where he knew the gang hid out.He climber the building and slipped in through the window and someone (someone besides Honmay) entered the room. He (Honmay) hid under the table and held onto the top of it. The person was unable to see him, but he (Honmay) could see his (the persons) feet. He (the person) was opening a drawer and Honmay saw him lift up a sphere. He (person) inserted the sphere in (into) a stone tablet - The sphere changed shape and started to change the shape of the stone. Honmay felt a chill go down his spinewhen as whoever it was left the room. Honmay waited for a few minuted efore following. Honmay left the room and entered a huge hallway. There seemed to be millions of doors and he had no idea which door to pick. He chose one to his left. He was in another hallway and he heard a door close shut, but when he looked, nobody was there He ran to the door and opened it, but when he looked inside, he immediately noticed he was trapped in a small, cube shaped room, but there was a trap door in the ceiling. He climbed through the trapdoor and he heard a clicking sound. Honmay turned around and saw three goons. He was scared and he was afraid to move. The goons tried to grab him but they all missed. One of the goons fell down but the other two kept coming for Honmay but they kept missing as Honmay was to fast. Honmay climbed out and closed the trap door behind him. Honmay was pleased with himself for obvously dfeating three goons in five seconds.Honmay ran through the nearestr door and when he looked he saw three more goons and he easily defeated them too. Honmay ran for the further door and saw another group of three goons. He was so scared he almost fainted, but one saw Honmay and followed him through the last door. Thge goon ran at the same time Honmay jumped and the goon ran under him. Honmay ran through the nearest door and he saw the guy who owned the sphere and what used to be the sphere and the stone tablet but was now a weapon. He and his parter in crime held the weapon together and shot a laser bullet at Honmay which missed. Honmay charged at the gang leaders and the fight was on! The fight went on for ages and Hon,ay destroyed the laser but the gang leaders were able to fight him without it. Honmay made duplicates of them and finally defeated one of them. The last guy and the remainder of the goons flew off in a giant hover-car and Honmay was disapointed that he hadn't got all the goons, but he brought the goons he captured to the police and went home.
Thats exactly how I wrote it, no paragraphs, and with bad grammer
I know some parts are stupid, Honmay jumping over the goon, three people missing grabbing one person multiple times, I decided he was magic at the last minute etc.
I worked hard on this, but the people looking after th ekids made me rush it
They always told me to go outside and play with the others during "rest time" instead of writing my story, which the told me I could do at night, when they told me to go to sleep and do it in the morning.
Technically, this is the first draft, but since it went 5 years without being edited or upgraded, this is also going to be the final draft. I hope you liked it, and hoefully it made you laugh (it's entertainment value is not what it was for a bunch of 9 year olds)
)Anyway, this got published in a book! Yup! Thats going to be in my job aplication when I am older.
Thats enough stalling, heres the story. I am going to put it exactly like I first wrote it, so grammer errors are about 5 years to late to be noticed
. I say he a lot, so everything I wrote is in italics, and a bit of explanation will be in brackets (just so I don't confuse anyone)Please comment
One day, Honmay from the planet Riknea found out about the biggest crminal organisation in history. Honmay was surprised to find out about something as horrible as this on the peaceful planet Riknea. He flew out in his hover-car to where he knew the gang hid out.He climber the building and slipped in through the window and someone (someone besides Honmay) entered the room. He (Honmay) hid under the table and held onto the top of it. The person was unable to see him, but he (Honmay) could see his (the persons) feet. He (the person) was opening a drawer and Honmay saw him lift up a sphere. He (person) inserted the sphere in (into) a stone tablet - The sphere changed shape and started to change the shape of the stone. Honmay felt a chill go down his spine
Thats exactly how I wrote it, no paragraphs, and with bad grammer
I know some parts are stupid, Honmay jumping over the goon, three people missing grabbing one person multiple times, I decided he was magic at the last minute etc.
I worked hard on this, but the people looking after th ekids made me rush it
They always told me to go outside and play with the others during "rest time" instead of writing my story, which the told me I could do at night, when they told me to go to sleep and do it in the morning.
Technically, this is the first draft, but since it went 5 years without being edited or upgraded, this is also going to be the final draft. I hope you liked it, and hoefully it made you laugh (it's entertainment value is not what it was for a bunch of 9 year olds)