Post by kizacolo on Dec 5, 2007 23:41:18 GMT
Hi. This is the beginning of my soon to be full length teenage story. It is at 31 000 words and I think around 40 000 will be the finish line.
The name is temporary, by the way. I hope you enjoy it and please rate, criticize and tell me about it. ;D The more you ask, the more is posted.
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CHAPTER 1
There, ahead, was their destination. It looked almost crystal like from the hill; the water reflecting a glassy touch, the shining appeal that was inviting someone for a swim. Even a lonely set of crocodiles eyes were set up stream in the distance but it wasn’t a problem, just a forlorn creature.
But the boy’s main intention was swaying gently in the middle. Jacob and David Fenner were looking upon a decrepit yacht in the dead set middle of Victor Creek. No signs of human existence were present on the boat. The only source of modern technology was a new looking sticker saying “The Margarate.”
Jacob carefully peeled his eyes across the boat furthermore. He and his brother had been watching it for nights. Their intention was to find a place suitable for a game of poker, illegally.
David and Jacob had been bored sitting around their house all night listening to their dad moan about their studies that should be doubled to three hours a night. Jake was extremely bright and always had done well at school and still did, but no one was perfect. David, on the other hand, was proud of receiving his D marks.
One night the two boys had sat down and watched the Australian Poker Championships when their father was away and had an idea, poker…..As long as their dad thought they were ‘playing’ outside with friends, or staying over their houses, it was ok.
Most boys loved playing Texas Hold Em’. So David did the organising, and soon they had a small group of friends paying and playing. It had all gone well until the last game, when they had almost been busted at their playing spot by one of the parents. A boy called Jimmy had accidentally let his father follow him into the bush land behind his house. The man had gotten suspicious, and went to see what the boys were up to. Luckily, the group of young lads had gotten away and now Jacob and David were looking for an isolated spot where no one would follow them. That had led them to Victor Creek.
Victor Creek was six kilometers away from Mackay and although quite a walk, it was worth it if Jacob and David could make some serious cash for their little ‘casino’. It had been planned that the others boy were to meet each other at the water’s edge at 2:00 PM and then they would swim across to the boat and play until after sun-set.
Jacob and David were there at 1:00 and they were going to set up the playing spot. The Margarate was perfect for a spooky match of poker and the final vote was to go to it.
“Well let’s go, champ.” suggested Jacob.
Jacob was tall, fit, strong and 15 years old. Everyday he would go running with friends that were as keen as him on sports and do weights as well as other exercise routines. David on the other hand, well, was a lazy, arrogant, 14 year old twit. He preferred playing his Playstation 3 then going bike riding with Jacob and his mates as he didn’t have a single friend of his own. David wasn’t fat, but not entirely skinny either.
David nodded back and they trotted carefully down the rocky side of the hill. Tonight was a big game. Five hundred dollars was on the line for the winner and David and Jacob would make over one thousand. All the players were getting addicted. They all knew it, but they couldn’t stop.
David and Jacob reached the water and stopped to open a backpack. Inside was obviously poker equipment but it also contained several wading outfits. David dropped four sets under a tree and he and Jacob pulled their own on.
Jacob handed David a length of rope and he wound it snugly around his shoulder. Now, they began to head out to The Margarate. David smiled and looked ahead and thought of the money he was about to get.
“Hell, there was enough for a new computer!” he grinned about.
Suddenly something struck his eye. David wasn’t sure, but out at The Margarate he was certain a light had flickered, but just briefly. It wasn’t there anymore, and David just shrugged it off. He spat in the water and toddled through the shallows to catch up to Jacob.
It didn’t take long to go out the twenty odd metres and soon David and Jacob were floating next to the vessel looking straight up. Now was stage two; use the rope.
David pulled the rope off his shoulder and grabbed the end and a quarter across it. He then tied a knot. Their plan was to cast it over whatever object was onboard and fasten onto it. They then would climb up it and so would the others later. Neither David nor Jacob had seen any other way of getting in as the yacht was elevated above their possible reach.
“Ok ready? I will go first and you follow when I saw.” instructed Jacob.
“Yep….” David murmured.
Jacob fastened a good grip on the rope and began hauling himself up the side of The Margarate.
Without trouble, Jacob had soon clutched the railing and threw his backpack onto the craft. He urged David to follow and David floating to the dangling rope. He reared up and put all his weight into the control of his arms.
It was hard work. Jacob had rushed to the top but it wasn’t that easy. All in all, Jacob’s performance was deceiving.
“Come on, bro. It isn’t that hard.” laughed Jacob.
“Yeah, yeah.” puffed David.
There was no way he wished to look like a softy in front of his brother. No doubt he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he simply couldn’t climb a couple of metres.
David took a deep, panting breathes, swore and cursed but eventually got a flimsy grip on the railing. Jacob had gone to have a brief inspect of the area and he was heading to David to lend a hand. David was barely hanging on but something was there…..
He could have sworn there was some movement behind Jacob. David incessantly stared into the darkness behind Jacob and there! Something moved again! But it wasn’t another person or thing, Jacob just fell down.
He gasped when a person did come into view! There, behind his brother’s fallen figure was a looming man dressed in an over-coat. What was he holding? Was it a gun? Luckily, the man hadn’t spotted David yet.
*
The obscene object in the man’s hand was a gun. But what had it done…..
David’s eyes flew to Jacob again. He was moaning a terrible, wheezing sound like he was suffocating. However, a liquid had caught his eye.
Blood.
It was oozing out of a wound to Jacob’s stomach. The shimmering, crimson fluid was surrounding his limp body.
David began to feel an awful feeling in his stomach. The man possibly may have killed his brother! Jacob moaned again, and David saw that he was still living, but only just. He wanted to jump over the railing and help his brother but his own life was on the line if the murderous figure spotted him.
“I’ll save you Jacob. I won’t leave you. I’ll be back.” and with that, he slipped back over the edge of The Margarate towards the murky waters below him.
David miscalculated his descent and slid down the rope a fair bit too rapidly and smashed into the blue chokehold that was surrounding The Margarate. The puzzling figure started running towards where David had fallen but he was too late.
“You bloody brainless runt! Come back here or I’ll shoot you!” barked the man.
But by this time, David was already halfway back to the shoreline and the man could no longer see him let alone shoot him. The man swore and walked awkwardly to Jacob. He then bent down and picked him up and carried him into a cabin. Jacob was going in and out of consciousness but managed to see the man pick up a mobile and dial an assortment of numbers. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t going to need to text the shooter’s mates. The world then turned entirely black.
*
David scrambled over some rocks and dived into the cover of a mangrove in case the man came looking for him. He lay back against the trunk of the tree and wiped his forehead. He had so many questions in his head. What the hell was that man doing? Why did he shoot Jacob? Why did he act like The Margarate was abanded?
“Damn it!” he screamed.
So he was right about seeing the light. If only he had alerted Jacob. But his carelessness had cost him severely. He had seen the light and should never have swum to the boat with Jacob.
He began cursing himself and at that moment heard an engine. He peered through the mangroves and saw The Margarate commence its sluggish movement out of Victor. So it had an engine after all! The problem was it appeared incredibly old and weathered. It must have been a cover but why would the man need to make one? All David could come up with was that he was doing something exceedingly illegal.
David remembered that he had brought his mobile and flipped open the rather new Nokia. He knew he needed some evidence to prove the boat was there and that it had taken Jacob so he ran down the creek towards the mouth where there was plenty of cover away from anyone’s vision. David put his phone into video mode and began to shoot the boat leaving the creek.
“My name is David Couchman and this is the 14th April 2007. Jacob Couchman and I swam to the boat named The Margarate when Jacob was shot. Now I’m on land again and am taking video evidence of the boat.” spoke David into the phone’s microphone.
David then stopped recording as the boat chugged out of the creek’s mouth and into the broad ocean.
There was no boat to record now and there was no Jacob. David then was about to put his phone into his pocket when he heard a footstep. He tried to take cover under another mangrove but he slipped on a wet rock and his phone went flying out of his hand.
David looked behind himself and saw a woman holding a baseball bat. She swung at his head and David fell into the same darkness that Jacob had experienced only moments earlier.
The name is temporary, by the way. I hope you enjoy it and please rate, criticize and tell me about it. ;D The more you ask, the more is posted.
---------------
CHAPTER 1
There, ahead, was their destination. It looked almost crystal like from the hill; the water reflecting a glassy touch, the shining appeal that was inviting someone for a swim. Even a lonely set of crocodiles eyes were set up stream in the distance but it wasn’t a problem, just a forlorn creature.
But the boy’s main intention was swaying gently in the middle. Jacob and David Fenner were looking upon a decrepit yacht in the dead set middle of Victor Creek. No signs of human existence were present on the boat. The only source of modern technology was a new looking sticker saying “The Margarate.”
Jacob carefully peeled his eyes across the boat furthermore. He and his brother had been watching it for nights. Their intention was to find a place suitable for a game of poker, illegally.
David and Jacob had been bored sitting around their house all night listening to their dad moan about their studies that should be doubled to three hours a night. Jake was extremely bright and always had done well at school and still did, but no one was perfect. David, on the other hand, was proud of receiving his D marks.
One night the two boys had sat down and watched the Australian Poker Championships when their father was away and had an idea, poker…..As long as their dad thought they were ‘playing’ outside with friends, or staying over their houses, it was ok.
Most boys loved playing Texas Hold Em’. So David did the organising, and soon they had a small group of friends paying and playing. It had all gone well until the last game, when they had almost been busted at their playing spot by one of the parents. A boy called Jimmy had accidentally let his father follow him into the bush land behind his house. The man had gotten suspicious, and went to see what the boys were up to. Luckily, the group of young lads had gotten away and now Jacob and David were looking for an isolated spot where no one would follow them. That had led them to Victor Creek.
Victor Creek was six kilometers away from Mackay and although quite a walk, it was worth it if Jacob and David could make some serious cash for their little ‘casino’. It had been planned that the others boy were to meet each other at the water’s edge at 2:00 PM and then they would swim across to the boat and play until after sun-set.
Jacob and David were there at 1:00 and they were going to set up the playing spot. The Margarate was perfect for a spooky match of poker and the final vote was to go to it.
“Well let’s go, champ.” suggested Jacob.
Jacob was tall, fit, strong and 15 years old. Everyday he would go running with friends that were as keen as him on sports and do weights as well as other exercise routines. David on the other hand, well, was a lazy, arrogant, 14 year old twit. He preferred playing his Playstation 3 then going bike riding with Jacob and his mates as he didn’t have a single friend of his own. David wasn’t fat, but not entirely skinny either.
David nodded back and they trotted carefully down the rocky side of the hill. Tonight was a big game. Five hundred dollars was on the line for the winner and David and Jacob would make over one thousand. All the players were getting addicted. They all knew it, but they couldn’t stop.
David and Jacob reached the water and stopped to open a backpack. Inside was obviously poker equipment but it also contained several wading outfits. David dropped four sets under a tree and he and Jacob pulled their own on.
Jacob handed David a length of rope and he wound it snugly around his shoulder. Now, they began to head out to The Margarate. David smiled and looked ahead and thought of the money he was about to get.
“Hell, there was enough for a new computer!” he grinned about.
Suddenly something struck his eye. David wasn’t sure, but out at The Margarate he was certain a light had flickered, but just briefly. It wasn’t there anymore, and David just shrugged it off. He spat in the water and toddled through the shallows to catch up to Jacob.
It didn’t take long to go out the twenty odd metres and soon David and Jacob were floating next to the vessel looking straight up. Now was stage two; use the rope.
David pulled the rope off his shoulder and grabbed the end and a quarter across it. He then tied a knot. Their plan was to cast it over whatever object was onboard and fasten onto it. They then would climb up it and so would the others later. Neither David nor Jacob had seen any other way of getting in as the yacht was elevated above their possible reach.
“Ok ready? I will go first and you follow when I saw.” instructed Jacob.
“Yep….” David murmured.
Jacob fastened a good grip on the rope and began hauling himself up the side of The Margarate.
Without trouble, Jacob had soon clutched the railing and threw his backpack onto the craft. He urged David to follow and David floating to the dangling rope. He reared up and put all his weight into the control of his arms.
It was hard work. Jacob had rushed to the top but it wasn’t that easy. All in all, Jacob’s performance was deceiving.
“Come on, bro. It isn’t that hard.” laughed Jacob.
“Yeah, yeah.” puffed David.
There was no way he wished to look like a softy in front of his brother. No doubt he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he simply couldn’t climb a couple of metres.
David took a deep, panting breathes, swore and cursed but eventually got a flimsy grip on the railing. Jacob had gone to have a brief inspect of the area and he was heading to David to lend a hand. David was barely hanging on but something was there…..
He could have sworn there was some movement behind Jacob. David incessantly stared into the darkness behind Jacob and there! Something moved again! But it wasn’t another person or thing, Jacob just fell down.
He gasped when a person did come into view! There, behind his brother’s fallen figure was a looming man dressed in an over-coat. What was he holding? Was it a gun? Luckily, the man hadn’t spotted David yet.
*
The obscene object in the man’s hand was a gun. But what had it done…..
David’s eyes flew to Jacob again. He was moaning a terrible, wheezing sound like he was suffocating. However, a liquid had caught his eye.
Blood.
It was oozing out of a wound to Jacob’s stomach. The shimmering, crimson fluid was surrounding his limp body.
David began to feel an awful feeling in his stomach. The man possibly may have killed his brother! Jacob moaned again, and David saw that he was still living, but only just. He wanted to jump over the railing and help his brother but his own life was on the line if the murderous figure spotted him.
“I’ll save you Jacob. I won’t leave you. I’ll be back.” and with that, he slipped back over the edge of The Margarate towards the murky waters below him.
David miscalculated his descent and slid down the rope a fair bit too rapidly and smashed into the blue chokehold that was surrounding The Margarate. The puzzling figure started running towards where David had fallen but he was too late.
“You bloody brainless runt! Come back here or I’ll shoot you!” barked the man.
But by this time, David was already halfway back to the shoreline and the man could no longer see him let alone shoot him. The man swore and walked awkwardly to Jacob. He then bent down and picked him up and carried him into a cabin. Jacob was going in and out of consciousness but managed to see the man pick up a mobile and dial an assortment of numbers. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t going to need to text the shooter’s mates. The world then turned entirely black.
*
David scrambled over some rocks and dived into the cover of a mangrove in case the man came looking for him. He lay back against the trunk of the tree and wiped his forehead. He had so many questions in his head. What the hell was that man doing? Why did he shoot Jacob? Why did he act like The Margarate was abanded?
“Damn it!” he screamed.
So he was right about seeing the light. If only he had alerted Jacob. But his carelessness had cost him severely. He had seen the light and should never have swum to the boat with Jacob.
He began cursing himself and at that moment heard an engine. He peered through the mangroves and saw The Margarate commence its sluggish movement out of Victor. So it had an engine after all! The problem was it appeared incredibly old and weathered. It must have been a cover but why would the man need to make one? All David could come up with was that he was doing something exceedingly illegal.
David remembered that he had brought his mobile and flipped open the rather new Nokia. He knew he needed some evidence to prove the boat was there and that it had taken Jacob so he ran down the creek towards the mouth where there was plenty of cover away from anyone’s vision. David put his phone into video mode and began to shoot the boat leaving the creek.
“My name is David Couchman and this is the 14th April 2007. Jacob Couchman and I swam to the boat named The Margarate when Jacob was shot. Now I’m on land again and am taking video evidence of the boat.” spoke David into the phone’s microphone.
David then stopped recording as the boat chugged out of the creek’s mouth and into the broad ocean.
There was no boat to record now and there was no Jacob. David then was about to put his phone into his pocket when he heard a footstep. He tried to take cover under another mangrove but he slipped on a wet rock and his phone went flying out of his hand.
David looked behind himself and saw a woman holding a baseball bat. She swung at his head and David fell into the same darkness that Jacob had experienced only moments earlier.